So, I would really like this shirt:

For those of you that aren't sure of the reference, it's from the BBC show, Dr. Who. It's subtle and geeky at the same time. I'm going to sleep on it for a few nights and see if I'd still like it.

Oh, and to understand the joke, feel free to check out the video. :)

So I haven't updated in almost a month and I'm really surprised that no one has called me on it, especially since I deleted my other "wellness diet" blog.

My weight is back up in the very high 150s, and because of that, I'm upset. Surprise! I realize that most of this is due to my spring break splurge. And when I say I was a piggy, I mean I was a piggy. It's so much easier for me to eat healthy at school than it is at home and around friends I haven't seen. When I was home for a week I ate:

• Wings
• Ice cream
• Brownies
• Alcohol
• Reeses
• Jellybeans
• Guiness and Beef stew from Ri Ra Uptown
• Bread pudding
• Hamburgers
• Salmon
• Chocolate cake
• Quesadillas
• Perogies
• Fried pickles

And I know that's not all, just what i remember off the top of my head. So I guess I can't blame myself for going from 155 to 160ish in a week. I feel like a sham -- I preach healthy eating, obsess over calories, but this week it was literally like I could not get enough calories in my body. And they were never the good kind. Also, the most exercise I got was playing frisbee and walking the dog.

So now I have a lot to make up for. I'm trying to be better about what I eat, but also be more intuitive. I want to be so skinny I could spit, and honestly, right now I'm so disgusted with myself eating wise, look wise and scale wise that all I can think about is "stop eating all together until you hit a "comfort" number on the scale." This isn't healthy either.

I went to a spinning class yesterday and that was fun. Nearly killed myself. The day before I did a Jillian Michaels 30 day shred workout. Today I'm debating another spinning class, but I've already done the Ab Ripper X workout from p90x. Food has consisted of an apple and a banana.

I keep saying I'm tired of being fat, but really I only have myself to blame. And I'm so ashamed of that.

ugh

Stress filled day. Today I ate my feelings. I will start again tomorrow.

5k

So, training for the 5k in March really doesn't look like it's going too well. I pulled (or strained or is really effing sore) my right quad muscle. I did leg exercises on Monday (squats, lunges and a whole plethora of other things with different weights) and it still hurts to walk. Tuesday I didn't even go to the gym because I had this odd gimp. My butt was sore, my legs were sore...I didn't really want to chance injuring myself. So Wednesday I went to the gym and had Evan help me stretch it out more (on Wednesday my leg was randomly giving out when I walked too -- you never realize how integral ALL your leg muscles are!)

Anyway, Wednesday I could barely walk on an incline. I keep limping on the treadmill. This and the fact that I went out of town last weekend has put me behind in the couch to 5k program. Boo hiss. I think I'm still going to donate to Live.Laugh.Run, but I may not actually RUN it. Never fear, however! I'm going to keep training -- plus it's good since running is something I can keep up with at camp that doesn't involve weights. AAAAND I've found another 5k I'm going to run. No questions asked.

Why?

Well, look at it!

The Color Run looks well, like a whole lotta fun! Who wouldn't wanna run around and get blasted with color?! This is the sort of motivation I think would be amazing -- I would WANT to run to get to the next splash of colors. Now, there is a race in Atlanta at the end of March, which would theoretically be almost a whole extra month to train. However, the idea of running in Atlanta right now scares me...mostly because Atlanta scares me. But...there is one that will be in Charlotte!

The Charlotte run isn't until October, which at this point seems like EONS away. If I can't run a 5k by then, I will be a hopeless cause. Now, I know that I'm 100% positive where I will be October -- jobs and whatnot still iffy on the horizon -- but if I get a job in Greenville, Raleigh, anything like that I should be able to to travel back and stay with my parents for the weekend. Plus, Charlotte is pretty close to most of my other fitness buddies. Kristina wants to live in Tennessee or Atlanta, which isn't freakishly far. Jenna lives in Charlotte. Thrasher might be moving to Charlotte pending a new job. And my Greenville fitness buddies (I'm looking at you, Dauge and Michelle) should be in working order and might be able to come, too! I mean, tell me this wouldn't be a riot!

If you still need convincing, check out this video. I'm serious people -- we should try to plan a get together and make this happen. It seems like so much fun, even if you aren't a runner!

New Goal

I dunno if this is really a goal if it's more of one of those "I have a dream" moments.

I think I've decided that I want to try to be a fitness model. Why? What does this mean? What does this entail? I'm not 100% sure. But it gives me a definitive goal to work towards instead of just "when I'm happy." If you know me at all, I don't do well with delayed gratification OR ambiguous goals. I'm working on the former, but the latter still really irks me. How will I know when I'm "happy"? Especially when I know that the term "happy" is going to fluctuate. Example -- when I was in Greenville, I ate not bad but not like I normally do.

And I know it's something that I wouldn't want to do on an every day basis. So I'm learning, and I'm changing. But having something exactly the I can point at and say "I'm working towards that" will make me feel better.

Let's face it -- I will never be a Victoria Secret model. I'm not built for it and I won't ever be a skinny twig that's all legs any more than I can be a model with brown eyes. Not. Gonna. Happen. So, let's compare what I mean when I say "fitness model."

I DON'T want this:

 

What I DO want:

So, I hope that's a little bit of clarification. I'm not one at all to think that I'm pretty enough to be a model model (again, not built that way) but I think the whole "strong is the new skinny" mentality is gold. I love it and am fully in support of it. And it's not to say that I don't want to be "skinny" it's just not my first priority. I'd love to look pretty in clothes and dresses, etc etc, but again, not exactly what I'm going for...

So just like little kids grow up wanting to be an astronaut, I wanna be a fitness model. Haha.

My weakness is whole wheat goldfish crackers.

I eat them like they're crack.

55 crackers for 140ish calories. I'm not sure how good/bad this is, but I love theeeeeeeem.

Now up to 20.5 miles out of my 50. Tonight's run was tough, I'm not gonna lie. I thought I wasn't really gonna make it through the full couch to 5k week 2. I'm still having trouble walking without pain (didn't stretch well enough before/after my leg workout) so running is a biiiitch. Oh well.

Hopefully I'll be able to run at least 1/2 of the 5k?