I realize I haven't updated this in awhile. Brief recap?

Got down to 154 ish pounds.
Had Thanksgiving
Am now up to 160 lbs again (groan)
Went to the gym today and watched the VS fashion show while on the elliptical. Burned 600+ calories. Heck yea.

I also bought a pilates DVD. I'm not sure how much it will help, since each segment is only 10 minutes. The lower body segment didn't seem to help much, but I definitely felt the arms and abs I did. I figure hey, with the resistance band included, 10$ was a decent investment. So I've been doing that every morning, regardless. I can spare 10-20 minutes regardless of how "busy" I am. At least it's something.

How is it that even after losing so much weight I still feel so large and ugly 95% of the time? Ugh. Maybe this is more a mental thing than I thought.

Matt's kinda been a blessing in disguise though. He always tells me I'm beautiful and that he still thinks I've got a rocking body, no matter what I think. And while I don't exactly agree with him, it's always nice to have a support system of good friends and loved ones that don't care what you look like.

Gym in the morning and meeting with Evan at 11. Then cardio again tomorrow night. I've got one week to really do well before I go home and 1) have no gym and 2) have thanksgiving food. blugh.

According to My Fitness Pal

I can only have another 273 calories today. Hrm. I've already been to the gym once, but I really want a turkey burger. I think I'm gonna go for a run, burn 200 calories and then eat. :)

Today workout wise I got so close as:

Getting dressed in my workout gear.
Filling my waterbottle.
Looking at the door.

at this point i realized it was late and it was also 39 degrees outside.
I"ll do better tomorrow. Besides, my back still kills from hammer throws yesterday.

I was 156 this morning. I've been taking in a steady calorie count of like, 1600 ish calories plus exercise. I've been doing the stairmaster a lot, too. And while my weight isn't really going DOWN like I want

1. At least it's not going up
2. I feel toner/fitter

What do I mean by toner/fitter? Well...I don't feel as jiggly. Like the weight and figure I have is starting to tighten up.

I could be COMPLETELY off the mark on that.

But when I measured my waist it was 29.5" I'm usually between 30.5 and 30". I don't know if that's significant of note, but hey, i'll take it.

Working out is hard. But not wanting to binge on food is even harder. Boo hiss.

This week I'm really going to try to step it up with classes. Two weeks until I can see Matt again (well, and my family) and I wanna look good. I've been working SO effing hard these past few weeks that I want something to show. I haven't seen Matt for a month, and I figure you can accomplish a lot in a month. I not going to put a "I want to be at X weight by X date" because honestly, I'll just be upset and depressed and hate myself if I don't make it. But I figure last year I lost something like, 25-30lbs in 4 months, I should be able to do SOMETHING in a month. Especially since I'm incorporating more weights. Now granted, back then I was also eating ridiculously low calories and had time for two a days, but I think now with drinking more water and (trying) to get a consistent sleep amount, things are evening out. More than anything I'm trying -- desperately trying -- to stay positive. One minute I'm loving myself, the next minute I feel like a blob.

Learning.

However, these two pictures have become my new motivation:

Also, I forgot to mention that while at the gym last night, I was on the stairmaster and one of the workers at the gym told me "you have really nice legs."

Um...awkward, but thank you?

Especially since my legs are the part of my body I'm most self-conscious of (especially my thighs!)

Today I did very much not good on calories

and not in the bingeing sense, either. I think INCLUDING the mexican I had for dinner tonight I was only between 800-1000 calories (I can only approximate on what the 1/2 plate of nachos -- sans sour cream, guacamole, and jalapeno but with chicken not beef -- was worth. Especially since I didn't eat the whole plate). But I swear I didn't do it on purpose!

I slept in and when I got up kinda piddled around, drank some water, checked my mail, played with the cats. Met Evan around 11:15, worked out on some cardio. Came back, more homework, called mom, etc. Realized I should probably start looking into professional attire such as suits and blazers. Ran to Opelika to check out TJ Maxx and Target (found some super cute stuff), came back, lounged -- and by the time I realized I hadn't really eaten all day (somewhere in there I grabbed a crescent roll) it was like, 45minutes or an hour before I made plans to meet people for dinner. I'd been sucking down water all day and never really got the stomach growls or the headache that usually comes. So...I didn't really think about it to be honest. Normally I do, but today I was just so content with not doing ANYTHING that well, I guess that included eating.

So with working out, the myfitnesspal app says that if everyday were like today, I'd weight 142 ish in 5 weeks. And while I like that number, I don't like how I got to it today.

ANYWAY, I guess I could include this also in my regular blog, but it has to do with fitness, too, so I'll just post it here. Working out/losing weight/drinking so much water (I think the last one is putting me in a great mood) has made me really start to look at fashion. Like, I'm getting to a point where I think I can actually wear stuff I think is cute AND look good in it. @.@ Cosmic, right?  Anyway, so today at Target, though I did not find the blazer/jacket/suit I was looking for, I did find the following dress:

Personally I think it looks pretty darn spiffy on. It's a little short for me to wear as a dress, but hey, that's what leggings are for. Actually, when I tried it on I was wearing nice jeans/slacks and it still looked awesome. Versatile? Yes please.

My ULTIMATE goal? Is to be able to pull off a style like this:

Now, I realize a) she has no boobs and b) she looks like she's about to fall asleep, but for some reason I LOVE this linen blazer. That being said, in a year or so it'll probably look outdated. I would probably dress this up with a long dangle necklace instead, but I can't wait to be confident enough to wear jeans, a tank, a blazer and a thin belt and not like I'm a "fat girl trying to dress like a skinny one."

And no, I'm not calling myself fat. But we've ALL seen the not-so-skinny-girls in skinny jeans and the girls that don't seem to understand STILL that leggings are NOT pants.

Anyway, for some reason I'm into fashion. I'm gonna try to hit up some resale places when I go home for Thanksgiving and see if consignment stores will be my friends. :)