It's a marathon...

it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint
it's a marathon, not a sprint

I need to remember this more often.

New Weight

164.0 lbs

Keep on treckin'. Haven't really been able to go to the gym because this week is a beast. :(

Maybe there has been a change....

Weight: 165.6 lb

Official weigh in on Sunday

Today I burned 1,117 calories on the elliptical.

…and then I did my standard weighted arm exercises + abs. Evan wants me to tone it down on the leg exercises.

I ate this morning a bit and did my first gym run and burned 450 calories. With the food I ate though, I was still at a -35 calories intake. Then we went out to dinner for my program. I had a cheese and spinach quesadilla that was well, mostly spinach. I did (before the quesadilla got there) have some chips and queso though. I’ve just gotten back from the gym tonight (round two) where I burned 667 calories and then did my standard other stuff.

So I have no idea where that puts me today in terms of positive or negative. I’m hoping pretty damn close to negative.

I know I say this a lot, but I am so very tired of being fat.

Lunch has consisted of things like --

Lettuce Leaf Tacos:

* 1/6 can of tuna (drained)

* 1/2 slice of tomato

* 1/2 slice of pepper (green)

* 1 tsp. of goat cheese w/ parsley

* 1 large lettuce leaf

Assemble things inside lettuce leaf like a taco. Roll and eat. I had 3 of those and I already feel like I've eaten too much today. And I haven't even made it past noon, really.

Today I've also had 9 almonds, a clementine, a small protein/power bar for breakfast. I made veggie/sweet potato chips in the oven last night and that's looking like dinner.

I would love to go back to bed and just sleep 'til I'm skinny. One can dream, right?

So I kinda want to punch a baby in the face

…but not the cute ones. Only the really ugly, deserving ones. Like the spawn of Satan ones.

Last guy I “dated” is in a relationship. Let me say, this religious nut more or less told me that I wasn’t good enough and that I wasn’t “religious” enough. The day after he tried to sleep with me.

Where is the karma in the world?

And to top it off, I’m down 20lbs since this this summer/beginning of October (when I actually started working on it)… TWENTY FUCKING POUNDS … and I feel like no one notices.

Yes. I’m shallow.

Yes, I would like someone to say, “Wow, you look good. Have you lost weight?”

Yes, I would like a boyfriend or SOMEONE to treat me like I’m godamned something special.

There is no justice in the world. I work my ass off and instead I get cast off.

And now I’m bawling. What’s up with ME tonight?

/rant&pityparty

Hit one of my goal weights. :)

I tried on skinny jeans, but since I'm still a size 10 regularly (ie, 12 in skinny jeans) I didn't get them. I'm still sticking with my goal of getting a pair before spring break. But I mean, yes, I have HELLA hips, but you know, they don't look atrocious to the point where I want to vomit looking at this picture.

In other news, I did get the top and a pair of yoga pants at Old Navy. I also got a few other at TJ Maxx. Super cute, but also able to work into my teaching repertoire .

i think i might be developing an eating disorder

This morning, the scale said 170.2. HOLY COW!

Friday the scale was like, 173.4ish. :D

I think my weight loss has taken over my life. I'm obsessed with it right now. To the point where I really do hate lookin' at myself in the mirror.

This is me 5 - 6 months ago. Why did no one before this tell me I was fat? Why was I allowed to wear this?

This honestly had/has me bawling.

So I very much went over on the restrictive amount of calories that I wanted to have today. But in slight defense, I went over with a skinny iced cinnamon dolce latte (which is like, 200-300 calories) and then things like Whole Grain Tuscan Linguine (less than 400 calories AND I didn't eat it all) and Thai Curry Soup (less than 200 calories) from Noodles & Company.

So it's not like I went for the massive sugar. But I wasn't a saint. And it's my last night home, so I didn't want to turn down my mom taking me to dinner or meeting Jenna for coffee. And I worked out today, though I was only on the machines for 30 minutes/300 calories. =/ Meeting Evan Friday. I'm so excited. I can't express.

I'm going to try to start restricting my diet to around 1500 a day + massive cardio. I'm also doing the European style of shopping with shopping every week instead of one and done. Hopefully this will help both with finances and with keeping fresh things in reach.

I packed a "lunch" for the trip back to Auburn tomorrow, so that I won't stop for fast food. It includes such goodies as:

• bottle of water (nalgene ftw)
• handful of baby carrots
• 9 almonds (did you know that 9 unsalted almonds is about a serving size?!)
• 2 fruit leathers
• handful of blackberries (yummy!)
• 1 sunsweet prune (okay, these are delicious!)

I mean, it's not really a meal, but I don't want to be driving and eating a meal anyway. It's supposed to just be enough to hold me over.

Drawback is I know I'll be so tired after tomorrow I probably won't want to head to the gym. Pray for me that I can find the strength for at least 30 minutes of cardio.

Food Today:

Breakfast:

• 1 bowl grape nuts
• 1 prune
• 1/2 cup milk (skim)
• 4 oz. juice

Lunch:

• 1 can tuna (drained)
• 1 serving white rice
• Salt + pepper

Dinner:

• 1/2 a (small) chicken breast, pan seared
• Small side salad
• Light ranch
• Banana

Crazy crap ton amounts of water. I was also at the gym and burned 670 calories (!!!) on the machine. This does not include the rump roping I did today as well, or the crunches I'm about to do before bed.

Yeaaaaa, so. I wrote down what I ate today. But I'm ashamed of dinner. So I'm not gonna bother posting. I'm gonna sleep instead.

Done and done.

Day's Intake

Breakfast:

• 1/2 cup oats
• 2/3 cup skim milk
• Small apple
• Water

Lunch:

• 1/2 cup white rice
• 1 can (drained) tuna, drained, salt + pepper
• Orange spice tea from H.T. Traders

Snack:

• Starbucks grande iced mocha, light (1/3 of the calories!)

Dinner:

• 3(ish) oz steak, grilled
• Green beans, olive oil, salt + pepper
• Water

Tonight a few friends are meeting at Steak and Shake for a get together before we leave for school. I may end up getting a Vanilla Milkshake (562 calories!!) but splitting it with a friend, which is much more tolerable.

I know that this isn’t one of those 500 calories a day diets. It’s probably much closer to a regular 2000 calories with the milkshake. But I can’t go from sinner to saint in a day. And I don’t plan on denying myself the ability to LIVE and be social.

I’ll post how I feel about this decision later tonight, I’m sure.