I feel fat.

Like, really fat.

I haven't been on a scale all break and I'm scared to get on one when I get back.

I'm not going back to Auburn until the 5th, if only because the bowl game is on the 4th. I'm still debating this, but it seems the best option. I might change it to the 3rd, but that's undecided.

I miss my gym.
I miss buying my own groceries.

Yesterday I tried to make grilled tuna sandwiches and my dad took over, slathered the bread with butter and added like, 6 spoonfuls of mayo. bleeeeeeech.

Didn't run today (did some arm exercises, but nothing really worth mentioning) but I did pretty well with eating.

Breakfast:
Glass of V8 Splash
Two slices of 100% wheat toast w/ strawberry preserves
Banana

Snack:
Large apple

Lunch:
Giant cucumber w/ light sea salt
Whole wheat ritz crackers w/ strawberry preserves + pumpkin butter

Snack:
Tall skinny peppermint mocha (under 100 calories!!)

Dinner:
Tuna and cheese sandwich
Salad w/ dressing on the side
1/2 handful of chips (it was too greasy to eat a lot of them)
Milk

...so...I guess that's a lot more than I thought...but calorie wise I don't think it's too much. I'd have to count it up.

Note to self

ran something like 3-4 miles today (hills and all). Felt good but note to self -- from now on I refuse to run without support for my knees. I feel like such an old lady now.

Ow. Ow. Ow.

Decided on blog a facelift

Decided to give this blog a facelift. I've been posting in it for awhile, and while the camo was nice, it was also dark. So I tried to brighten it up a bit...maybe make it a bit more motivational. What do you think?

I didn't chow down on everything in sight today, but I wasn't fantastic either.

Food
Breakfast
Whole wheat bagel and whipped cream cheese

Lunch
Small broccoli and cheddar soup
1/2 a turkey sandwich (mustard, tomato, onion, lettuce)
Oatmeal raisin cookie (my weakness)

Dinner
Slice of lasagna
Side salad

Misc
White Russian (it IS the holidays...)


Exercise:
Walk the dog (~2.5 miles)
Evening run (~1.5 miles)


....so, still no Jillian but I have been walking to dog regularly and I'm going to start back trying to run again. It's been raining so it's harder to get outside.

I've really lost my motivation lately -- I'm hitting that "depressed about my weight" but it's easier to eat another cookie than to do sit-ups place. I'm really hoping that the kickboxing class starts up at the gym this new year...will definitely be doing that if I can. Also, ab challenge with Chappy is still on for spring break.

Also, I've added a "Stats + Goals" page where I'm listing my current stats and my goals. Feel free to suggest goals. I'm kinda running out of them, to be honest. I don't wanna reward myself with food, but I want to try and save money, too, so I can't say "shopping spree!!!" or anything like that. Also when I find a tape measure I'm going to add measurements, too. I'm going to update my stats the first of every month. I wanted to get rid of that ticker thing because it was kinda a downer to see how far I still had to go. One of my goals as of right now is one of the shirts for sale here. I really like the "shut up and squat" one, but I feel like if I were to wear that any place OTHER than the gym, I'd get really awkward looks. I am a fan of the "fall down seven times..." since that's been my mantra all along (THANKS Japanese proverbs!) but the "strong is the new skinny" is also pretty stellar. I'm debating making that one (strong is the new skinny) a "goal payoff" if I can get below 18/19% body fat (ie, can I trim fat from my inner thighs and arms...which might take a whole other year).

Anyway...

Soooo, overall....thoughts?

I'm not gonna lie, I've been doing really badly this weekend.

My sleep schedule is all messed up from exams and Auburn, so I'm sleeping in pretty late...and even with that I'm falling asleep with naps and dead tired at 8pm. I tried sleeping at 8 thinking okay, I'll get back on track, but then I woke up at midnight and was up for a good four hours.

I'm eating all the time, too. Or at least, it seems that way since it's more than I ate at school on a regular basis. I don't like it. I miss my gym. Like, a lot. But tomorrow I'm going to try to cut out all sugar until Christmas morning. I realize that's not a lot of time, but what's that saying, it takes 21 days to break a habit and 42 to make a new one? I'm trying y'all, but I'm failing epically.

I've been taking the dog for walks, but I haven't been doing Jillian. I did part of a workout the other day, but I got bored. I just don't have motivation anymore. I'm realizing that so much of my motivation at the gym came from just watching other people. Like "oh, so and so's been here longer than me...I can't leave yet."

I really am going to try to start running again tomorrow and do Jillian. I'm also going to start carrying my water bottle around with me so that maybe I won't be so hungry and snacky all the time. I'm also realizing WHY it's so hard for me to lose weight at home -- no one here EATS HEALTHY!The other day I made a roast in the crock pot with just some spices and seasoning and beef broth. After I'm done and I'm making the sides, my mom turn around and ADD HALF A BLOCK OF CREAM CHEESE!! What the fuck? I would love to say "oh, I'll just get my own food" but no one wants to be that person, and surely no one wants to start a fight with their mom saying "the food you get isn't good enough." Especially when she's just trying to be nice.....

Anyway, it's a work in progress. All of it.

I'm really hoping that come the start of the new year the Gym will have started the kickboxing classes. Please please please PLEASE!

Anyway. Here's to trying again tomorrow.

Cuz I got called out

My biggest thing over break is gonna make sure I don't gorge on food. And that I actually exercise.

Breakfast:

Two eggs
Slice of cheddar cheese
Two slices of whole wheat bread

~380/400 calories

Kinda a lot for morning, but lunch has been light something like a side salad or a greek yogurt. Dinners at home are pretty heavy.

Tryin' to take the dog for a walk/run every day and gonna try to start up Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. Let's see how it goes.

Ugh

Hosted a pot luck today.

Ate way to much fucking food.

Starting over tomorrow. Gonna just try to eat the Naked Juice smoothies I have in the fridge til this sick feeling passes. Too much sugar. It's just sitting in my stomach. I feel so gross....

Tabouleh

New. Favorite. Food.

It takes a lot to prepare, but it's so worth it. I can have something like 3 HEAPING cups and it only be 350ish calories. Plus, all the stuff in it is good for you -- cucumber, parsley, tomatoes, mint, lemon juice, green onions. Shoot. Even the bulgar wheat isn't THAT bad.

I was supposed to have this tabouleh for the party tonight. Don't think it's gonna last that long. oops.

Victoria Secret Workout - Glutes

This is interesting in the fact that it offers some Glute Workouts that you can do pretty much at home.

But honestly...I don't want to look like her. Not to say that she's not gorgeous (especially in the facial features) but...that's way to skinny. I don't find that sexy at all. I find it almost sickly and frail. Breakable.

Victoria Secret All Access